Friday, May 20, 2011

I Was fat, Ugly, Pimply, Depress, Poor. My Truth

How would you feel if you are fat and people keep on calling u "fatty/ugly/gemuk"?
I was fat from my kindergarden years till primary 1. Kids were cruel then, called me names because I was fat. I was disturbed to the point that I refuse to even eat anything. My mom had to even scold and forced me to eat. But I became thin after that, however it was never a pleasant experience being an aneroxic.

How would you feel if your father left you when you were 4, yet everyone around you had both parents around always? How would you feel when people ask you "How come I never see your dad?". I used to answer "he's buzy at the office, seldom comes back home". As a young boy, coming from a background with divorced parents, it felt embarrassing, felt inadequate, felt left out but I was blessed to have such a great mother.

How would you feel growing up with so little compared to your friends? How would you feel to barely have any new toys, perhaps only once a year getting a new toy, but your friends around you could simply get a new bicycle? How would you feel, as a young boy to live in a house the size is only of a small fraction of your friend's house? I now feel very blessed that I'm living in a house that's much better than the many I know.

How would you feel if your face is full of huge, ugly pimples? Pimples so severe that if it burst, the puss and blood would simply flows down your cheek. Scars so bad that you hate to look into the mirror. I had terrible acne from form 1 to form 4. It affected my confidence so much that I could only look into the mirror if I was the only one in the room. I remembered whenever I was with my friends and they were admiring their own looks in the toilet mirror, I had to either look away or waited outside because it was just unbearable to see the difference in complexion between my friends and mine. I got blame by many that I didn't even take care of my skin but I was actually using proven effective and expensive skincare.

How would you feel if your dream is to be able to study the course you have aspired to take since you were young, but failed to do so simply because you got 1B in your SPM? How would you feel if you scored almost a straight A1's but only in Bahasa Melayu you scored a B, and not allowed to get any scholarships to study the course you have always dreamt of? How would you feel if you have been the head prefect, the president of 3 clubs, represented the school in various curricular activities, top student, but were turned down by various scholarship bodies simply because of this reason "You won't be a good ambassador to Malaysia because you got a B in your BM"? I was depress, to the point that I wish I had never lived.

Growing up, being a fat kid, being an ugly pimply kid, being a poor kid, being the kid with only 1 parent around and being the kid who works so hard yet rejected at every corner he went, wasn't easy. However, live doesn't stop there. You might have wished to die at some point of your life. I did.

God is fair to all. Reflect and find the hikmah out of every predicament we went through.

Alhamdulillah I was fat, ugly, poor, rejected, depressed. All that made me understand better the feelings of others who suffers from the same predicaments. It simply shaped me for who I am today


  1. well said. I'm so sorry to hear wat u hv to go thru :(

    If you are using an expensive skincare and yet it doesnt work, I recommend you seek consultation at dermatologist and ask for Reaccutane medicine. It works so well for me.

    Always know that HE is fair. Everybody go through the same amt of pain it and thank goodness you've made it through so far.

    Be strong okay? I know its easy said then done but trust me, it gets better.

  2. love this post..what you've been through just like i did...feel so depressed and it makes me lose my strength..i thought i'm the only person that faced this situation.. :)

  3. You've to be proud of who you're,, don't just look to the people aboves you,, sometimes you've to look to those below you...well write...hehe....

  4. thank you all for the support. i guess there still are honest and caring peple like u guys out there

    the true intention i wrote this post is because many people i know have gone through or is going through this. they have talked to me about it as well, and i want them to know i fully empathise how they feel because i was there too. it wasnt easy but alhamdulillah with god's grace i made it through.

    to AimanAriffin, yeah i took roaccutane too and it worked amazing! however it has been discontinued now, the government i heard doesnt approve of its usage anymore for some medical reasons

  5. Inner beauty is most important :)
    if u r kind, honest n loyal, people wud still love u even if u r fat , fugly, pimply or poor.
    BM B? xkesah je.. coz u r really good in english, n most ppl sucks at english.
    xdpt kos yg diminati? u dont need that course to be successful.

    kene optimistik sikit! :)

  6. yeah i agree with u zaid. well i definitely dont need that course i use to want so much to do. alhamdulillah things are just awesome now

  7. sedih aje bace...
    it's okey than.. look at urself now..
    cute..handsome.. brilliant..successful..and nice to everybody!
    experience is a good teacher,ey?

  8. hehe nadia thats just so sweet of u. alhamdulillah

  9. I don't know if you've tried this, but cutting down on dairy products can help prevent acne.