Friday, December 23, 2011

Loathing The Leeches Life

Feeling the resilient foundation,
Underneath my unsettling feet,
For I hoped to be given,
Only for what I gave,
But neither my soul were replenished,
With the fountain of love.

For underneath my feet,
Shook the heaven's sky,
For I hoped to be told,
Only the truth of your emotions,
But neither my body was returned,
Returned to the state of bliss.

For I still am me,
The me for the past year,
The me who was fooled,
And the me who remained hope.

I can never comprehend,
Your desires for the imperfect perfection,
Yet all I gave you was what you said you desired,
But all you saw was my fall,
My inadequacies,
My weaknesses and my ugliness.

You were respected my love,
You were the one I followed,
I carried you above my wings of joy,
Heavy you were but I rather be trampled,
But trampled without compassion was your gift for me.

He is not in any way more intelligent than what you have,
For he requested your money but I rejected yours,
For he gave you a filth of class yet I am a royalty,
For he is my opposite,
My disgust and my assured revulsion.

I am shocked by you,
You are the person I wish I had never knew.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Bruno Mars - It Will Rain


video

I relived the nightmare I dreaded
I guess it's only me I have to be with to be happy
For happiness is about changing for the person you love

Sunday, December 4, 2011

All Dejavu

How many more days should it be?
When my smile masks the tears i dropped
For i request what's simple
But by thee so difficult to fulfill
I lost the believe along the way
As I was deviated by the secrets
Please understand where I have been and heading
I don't wish to relive this all over again

Sunday, October 23, 2011

My Pictures Never Smile




Dark skies at 6,
The inevitable river on the road,
Poured by the upset sky,
Perfect for the downs of the heart,
In the driver's seat,
Looking to an empty left,
For a dinner driven,
My facade of smile but..
How could tears fell,
When I drove for a celebration?

To the hall I walked,
More beautiful than a clear day,
With the sun too kind,
For not heat but joy it brought,
But why must I have a mask on,
When others have only their makeups on?
It is a celebration,
I celebrated, I did celebrate,
Only to the limits of good,
Too far from being complete.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I Am But A Perfect Being

I woke up with your face in front of me
Staring into uncertainty
Spilling the dreams on the floor
As I sat by, watching you pour all that's left
I said "please understand me"
And you said "please, it's just me"
I pondered seeing your lips shook
To verbalise the 3 words of purest
Yet the melody seem to never come
I shall be what you want me to be
But I am all but a perfect being

Allow me to taste perfection
I wish for your affection
Being a patient of patient
I hope to be liberated
To at last taste what is meant to be mine
So out of grasp
Beyond the truth of lies
For again, I am but a perfect being

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Home is Where You Are

No I can't be home
Where I should belong
As home is just too far
From where I have missed for long

Just missing your scent
Missing the warmth you gave
Rekindling the imagination of your lips
Missing your humble love towards me
For humble is far from what it is

Every beep of my phone
Wishing it would be your name
So difficult to hope for hopes
When hopes remain unshaped

Your voice is grand
Skipping my heart a beat
Draining my veins of its warmth
Killing the sadness I have foretold

Please understand me
I just miss you




Monday, August 15, 2011

Sedetik Lebih

Just a romantic song I love

video


You are my perfection, the epitome of my affection.
How you complete me, fulfill my desires.
Distance has been questioned, but often forgotten.
For you have embraced my imperfect being.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

As I Wait

Don't be fooled by the shimmer of the sea
For it would be an everlasting chase to get it

The true diamond is here
Faded by the seems of sins

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Tiada Janji Bersifat Janji

Jika tiada cinta sebati
Mana dicari puisi hakiki
Tidak bisa dimamah benci
Kalau kita tidak bersangsi

Kalau hati sudah dilukai
Mana pulih kalau berganti
Kalau sempurna dicari-cari
Hanya domba dibuai hati

Hanya tuhan yang erti
Jeritan ku di sanubari
Kalau nanti bersatu kembali
Tiada janji bersifat janji

Monday, June 27, 2011

Dearest Lemons

Life has tried to give me failure
And I really failed
I really failed to accept failure
As I spelled failure with love
I then spelled love with triumph
Then I spelled triumph with happiness

Life has given me lemons
Looking back, I now realised I had a full jar of lemonade

Saturday, June 25, 2011

It's not that I don't care

It's simply because you're meaningless to me




A justification for my opinions

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The liberty of my thoughts is not for you to judge but for the genius to ponder

My New Definition

I define my art


I may choose to change the meaning
I may choose to believe what I wrote
I decide the definition of my art
Therefore I have changed the meaning of it

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I Love You Because You Are You




I haven't been sleeping,
Killed by the thought,
Of you w
atching the other dearingly,
Sharing your voice lovingly,
How I was in your mirror.

I guess missing is pointless,
For the link dies halfway,
How my face melted away,
How my name erased from your heart,
The months we cared,
Ended through the winter days,
Seemingly perfect,
Yet perfect is nothing without you.

I guess now I realise,
What I had disagreed,
For your words which I undermined,
With regrets now,
Not for what you have,
Nor for who you are,
But simply because,
You're you.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Far

The cones and pines on a tree,
Dropped to the temperate sands,
From levels of unseen heights,
Simply parted to my please,
Undoubtedly wondered on perusal,
The thoughts of the perseverance queen,
In agony of the sea,
Overwhelmed by the anguish kings,
For kings of heavens in palace,
Seeking the heart of the pine,
Dropped from its land,
Of supposed joy and pride,
Yet foretold innocence,
Bygone by myths,
Unproven with malicious intentions,
Proven with the lioness songs,
Bled to death,
But death is too far.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Trembling Hands

Now that I have given up,
On the things I love,
Closest to my heart.

How my hands tremble typing this post,
How my mind spins,
The tears on the keyboard,
Never as much as this.

I know I tried,
It all fails,
This is so difficult,
Please god keep me on sail.

Not drowning i asked,
But now suffocated with the truth.

My hands still tremble,
My keyboard is wet,
Oh my shirt is so drenched with tears now,
Never has this happen when writing my thoughts.

How much it is bleeding in me,
This is the truth.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Iris - Boyce Avenue

video

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

Chorus
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Chorus
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Simply Your Silhoutte

video
Faizal tahir: Mahakarya Cinta


I have never taken drugs,
Nor do I ever want liquor,
But not your reflection,
Nor your shadow,
Simply your silhouette,
Would make me inebriated.

I miss you



video
Lady Antebellum: Need You Now


Friday, May 20, 2011

I Could and I Would

I Could and I Would,
You Couldn't but You Would,

That would put me in jeopardy,
You would let IT be jeopardise,
By your actions of wouldn't
So

I Was fat, Ugly, Pimply, Depress, Poor. My Truth

How would you feel if you are fat and people keep on calling u "fatty/ugly/gemuk"?
I was fat from my kindergarden years till primary 1. Kids were cruel then, called me names because I was fat. I was disturbed to the point that I refuse to even eat anything. My mom had to even scold and forced me to eat. But I became thin after that, however it was never a pleasant experience being an aneroxic.

How would you feel if your father left you when you were 4, yet everyone around you had both parents around always? How would you feel when people ask you "How come I never see your dad?". I used to answer "he's buzy at the office, seldom comes back home". As a young boy, coming from a background with divorced parents, it felt embarrassing, felt inadequate, felt left out but I was blessed to have such a great mother.

How would you feel growing up with so little compared to your friends? How would you feel to barely have any new toys, perhaps only once a year getting a new toy, but your friends around you could simply get a new bicycle? How would you feel, as a young boy to live in a house the size is only of a small fraction of your friend's house? I now feel very blessed that I'm living in a house that's much better than the many I know.

How would you feel if your face is full of huge, ugly pimples? Pimples so severe that if it burst, the puss and blood would simply flows down your cheek. Scars so bad that you hate to look into the mirror. I had terrible acne from form 1 to form 4. It affected my confidence so much that I could only look into the mirror if I was the only one in the room. I remembered whenever I was with my friends and they were admiring their own looks in the toilet mirror, I had to either look away or waited outside because it was just unbearable to see the difference in complexion between my friends and mine. I got blame by many that I didn't even take care of my skin but I was actually using proven effective and expensive skincare.

How would you feel if your dream is to be able to study the course you have aspired to take since you were young, but failed to do so simply because you got 1B in your SPM? How would you feel if you scored almost a straight A1's but only in Bahasa Melayu you scored a B, and not allowed to get any scholarships to study the course you have always dreamt of? How would you feel if you have been the head prefect, the president of 3 clubs, represented the school in various curricular activities, top student, but were turned down by various scholarship bodies simply because of this reason "You won't be a good ambassador to Malaysia because you got a B in your BM"? I was depress, to the point that I wish I had never lived.

Growing up, being a fat kid, being an ugly pimply kid, being a poor kid, being the kid with only 1 parent around and being the kid who works so hard yet rejected at every corner he went, wasn't easy. However, live doesn't stop there. You might have wished to die at some point of your life. I did.

God is fair to all. Reflect and find the hikmah out of every predicament we went through.

Alhamdulillah I was fat, ugly, poor, rejected, depressed. All that made me understand better the feelings of others who suffers from the same predicaments. It simply shaped me for who I am today

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Mariah Carey

video

No, I can't forget this evening,
Or your face as you were leaving,
But I guess that's just the way the story goes,
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows,
Yes, it shows,

No, I can't forget tomorrow,
When I think of all my sorrow,
When I had you there,
But then I let you go,
And now it's only fair that I should let you know,
What you should know,

I can't live,
If living is without you,
I can't live,
I can't give anymore,
I can't live,
If living is without you,
I can't give,
I can't give anymore,

Well, I can't forget this evening,
Or your face as you were leaving,
But I guess that's just the way the story goes,
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows,
Yes, it shows,

I can't live,
If living is without you,
I can't live,
I can't give anymore,
I can't live,
If living is without you,
I can't live,
I can't give anymore,

No, I can't live,
No, I can't live,

I,
No, no, no, no, I,
I can't live (no, I can't live),
If living is without you (no, I can't live),
I can't live,
I can't give anymore,
Can't live (no, I can't live),
No, I can't live.


A great song by Mariah

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts

video


I know I can't take one more step towards you

'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Januari

video

Berat bebanku
Meninggalkanmu
Separuh nafas jiwaku.... sinar

Bukan salahmu
Apa dayaku
Mungkin cinta sejati tak berpihak.. pada kita

Kasihku...
Sampai disini kisah kita
Jangan tangisi keadaannya
Bukan karena kita berbeda

Dengarkan...
Dengarkan lagu... lagu ini
Melodi rintihan hati ini
Kisah kita
Berakhir di januari

Selamat tinggal
Kisah sejatiku
Oohhhh pergilah

Kasihku...
Sampai disini kisah kita
Jangan tangisi keadaannya
Bukan karena kita berbeda

Dengarkan...
Dengarkan lagu... lagu ini
Melodi rintihan hati ini
Kisah kita
Berakhir di januari

Wooooo..oh...wooo..ohhh

Dengarkan lagu... lagu ini
Melodi rintihan hati ini
Kisah kita
Berakhir di januari



I have always enjoyed singing this song.
Never knew it would mean so much to me now.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Untold Truth

Do you know how it feel when he is just there, but you can't reach him?
He was the one who is suppose to support and love you, but you got almost none
He is the one to say "don't worry, if I'm around, no one can hurt you", but you got hurt, merely by his absence
He is the one to praise you but you mostly get criticism

Do you know how it feels when you get injustice treatment by him?
For lying to you
For not fully loving you
For hoping to gain something from the kindness you gave

All along I was not returned the love I deserve
Merely words
Emotionless for what you did

You never had to go through what I suffered
You are just happy and gay there but I was not
I had you always in my mind but yours was filled with them, only

Why make me when you don't want me?

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A Song From The Heart

Here's a good song

video

How I

I just want to see your face
I just want to hear your voice
I just want to caress your skin
I just want to hold your hand
I just want to kiss your lips
I just want to feel your warmth
I just want to breath your scent
I just want you

How we met in black
How we sat under the red
How we kissed in silver
How we hugged in white
How we touched on green

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Except But Thee

Writing in the stars above
The constellation is my love
I have always thought
Everlasting there it is now not
I once believed
That I want to live
Only if you're by me
Just you, not anybody
But the rain poured
And so I soared
Further from my shadow
Deep into the hollow
Alone but many
Except but thee

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Cat Hand Shake

This cat is just too cute. All fluffy and fat. Just watch what it can do. You might have to wait abit though through the video.

Enjoy!

video

Monday, April 11, 2011

NO Bullshit to NO English

So the government is now making a study shall Sciences and Maths be taught in both English and Malay. Why waste time? Having revoked the previous implementation of teaching Maths and Sciences in English, now making the subjects bi-lingual?

Here's the situation these days:
  1. Educational resources are mostly in English
  2. Story books from all genres are in English
  3. Many great songs are in English
  4. We study English from primary 1 to form 5 (at least 11 years of formal English education)
  5. Labels, advertisements, tags are all in English
After the few elements that are delivered in English as above, why are there still many people having poor fluency in the usage of the language? I would just maintain it with teaching entirely in English.

My parents came from the typical Malay kampung of the olden days; poor, less exposure to the English language. How would their situation justify for their great grasp on the language?
  1. They have passion for reading. My mum for example, is an avid reader of everything and she raised me to be a book-worm as well. From young I was inculcated to read in my free time and I thank her for that. This truly helped in enriching my vocabulary and construction of sentences.
  2. Vocalise the language. I've many friends who, like my parents, comes from the deepest and most remote of kampung yet they have the initiative to read English, listen to English and ultimately speak English. Kudos!
Some might say that I'm blessed to be raised in an English-speaking family which allows me to have a better, but not the best grasp on this universal language. But our parents are not as fortunate to have their parents speaking English.

So if people still give the excuses of not being able to speak the language fluently because of whatever reason in the world, seriously, stop bullshitting because the person themselves chose to bullshit themselves on not being able to speak English.


Sunday, April 10, 2011

Humans


Notice how we humans, when we have no desire to use an object, it would be present there but when someday we have a need for it, it would be missing.

Notice how we humans, when we try to search for the car keys, we fail to find it but later you would realise it was actually in your hands all the while.


Notice how we humans, when it is too cold, we complain of the chill, but when it's too warm, we throw tantrum at the heat.


Notice how we humans, when we have that someone around, we choose to not treat the person well but when the person is gone, we would miss the person.



Notice how we humans, often live in regrets.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Driving In Red Sands

Driving with the windows open,
Glaring to the horizon,
With dreams of what's beneath,
With hopes of now to be,
Slowing the wheels forward,
To not even go the opposite,
For I miss the longing,
For I love the caring.

Too long the sands flow,
Too fast the hands turn,
Foolish for driving there,
Yet sealed in passion,
I wished for thee,
I wish for you.
My heart cries,
When I do not see you.



video

Bruno Mars - Long Distance

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Devdas: Fave Hindi Movie (Not a movie review)


Devdas, the very famous Bollywood movie produced in 2002, I would say to be my most favourite Hindi movie of all times. Having won many awards and nominations, including a nomination for the best foreign language film in the BAFTA, it has truly been an epic with its all-star casts, Aishwarya Rai, Shah Rukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit.



Here's a picture from the scene where Paro was singing "Silsila Ye Chaahat Ka"


The movie's story line is brilliant with the twists that kept me guessing. Generally it is about Deva (Shah Rukh Khan) loving Paro (Aishwarya Rai) but couldn't have her fully. So she married another guy and Deva became depress. Later, the famous courtesan Chandramukhi (Madhuri Dixit) fell in love with Deva but her love was never returned. So the story continues and ended with the death of Deva (sorry, too simple of a description for the plot).


Aishwarya Rai (Paro)


Shah Rukh Khan (Deva)


Madhuri Dixit (Chandramukhi)


The songs in this movie are simply awesome. Below are some of my favourites.

Hamesha Tumko Chaha (a very emotionally intriguing song)

video


Dola Re Dola

video

Silsila Ye Chaahat Ka

video

BTW, the main reason I fell in love with this movie is because it introduced me to Aishwarya Rai and it was simply love at first sight.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Person I Am

After having 8 posts in this newbie blog of mine, perhaps I should introduce to you abit on the writer (Zzzzz Boring, who the hell wana know about me?). Anyway, let me just share bits of the soul of Mr. Hanif Shawn himself, courtesy of yours truly.


I'm a Malay and I speak Malay, English, Chinese and abit of Tamil (1Malaysia?). I have great passion in my work as a physiotherapists as it is so great that when I have treated a patient and they would come back to me saying "hey, after u treated me the other day, my pain is gone!" and i screamed too in joy!


As a person, I feel that I can be quite assertive at times. I notice I would speak my mind alot which could be a huge disadvantage in this close-context Malaysian culture. The interesting thing about Malaysian culture is the young are not allowed to disagree with the mature group (in other words aged or old people, excuse me). So I would try to stand for what I believe in and that would cause me to blurt out my opinions to virtually whoever that stands in my way. Hopefully this is not regarded as arrogance (many Malaysians think it is) but I feel that if there is a better way of doing things, why not?



I love Dr. Mahathir. Not to say that I support BN and not to imply that I support PKR (personally I can disagree with actions from both parties but I'll keep my choice to my self). But I see Dr. Mahathir as a person who is able to shine as a small fish amongst the huge whales-governments like the US and the UK. He is a man who would say No when he means No and say Yes when he means Yes. He has vision, and his vision for Malaysia came true. A leader produce, a follower profuse (as in sweat). Dr. M is a risk taker, obviously from his actions of building the Petronas Twin Tower during the economic depression (he is one crazy men but guess what, his craziness pays).



Oooh I forgot to introduce myself. I was given the name Hanif in a certain November amongst the Generation Y population. I have jet black hair but somehow after I dyed my hair burgundy last year August, and even after having my hair cut numerous times, I think the colour is still there, amazing!



I love having Japanese food (how cliche), Malay food (who could resist ikan patin masak lemak?) and definitely Italian. My mum loves to cook all the different pastas you could ever see on the supermarket shelf and she made it so simple yet scrumptious. I don't bake cakes but she does (I thought I'm suppose to talk about the author of this blog, not his mother).




Well thank you everyone for following this blog of mine and for leaving your prints in the comment boxes. Love u guys! Peace out yaw!

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Walk


From the midst of spring,
I walked under the sun,
Until the end of fall,
I had my shadow,
By me at all time,
Eternally I hope.


But as dusk comes,
It slowly fades,
Where I start to realise,
That the shadow I had,
I cared and loved for,
Would be gone.


But why?
Why does the sun have to set?
On this beautiful months,
Where it was forever spring,
Neither summer too temperate,
Nor winter too chill,
Perfectly resplendent blooms of daffodils,
But it died.


Those beautiful daffodils,
Carpetted by the white chill,
The dreaded chill,
Behind the mask,
I was fooled,
Yet the truth prevailed,
Not soon but later.



I have warned,
For no game is better than mine,
For you should not have started,
For I know I will win,
And I did.
I did,
But I forgive,
For it liberates my soul,
From the devil's love,
But to the heaven's call,
For I pray,
The shadow to live the life,
Of happiness,
And not walked where I had to walked,
Nor feel what I felt.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Movie Review: 127 Hours

So it was a great evening for me to be able to have some awesome steamboat buffet with a bunch of people I love, then we watched '127 Hours' at the Summit USJ (god, I hate this place). So here are my views on it.

Plot:

Basically it's very simple. Based on a true story about this carefree, happy-go-lucky dude who was trapped for 127 hours inside this very small but deep crack in the earth. His hand got stuck beneath a heavy but small bolder. So it was basically about him reflecting on who he has been in the past and about significant people he has in his lives.


So that's the small but heavy bolder.You'll notice his right forearm is stuck beneath it


Gotta warn you, there are some gruesome scenes in the movie which, personally as a health personnel, I too feel squeamish watching. So you've been warned.




Acting:

James Franco




Well since the plot was very simple, it doesn't impose much challenge to the actors to convey deep emotions. Even when Aron (played by James Franco) had to convey those expressions during the reflective moments, they expressions were not very deep.



Script:


Since Aron was mostly on his own, there were not many dialogues unless during the reflections. With that said, you can expect the script to be very simple.



Overall, the movie was pretty straightforward. It's alot like watching the movie 'Buried', played by Ryan Renolds. Both are equally boring but Buried has more happenings compared to 127 Hours.

Buried: Ryan Renolds.


Rating: 3/5

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Random Lameness

Got this in my email, courtesy of Alexander Zeberg (you know who you are)

Things to ponder:

1. Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

2. Why do people order cheeseburger, large fries and a diet coke?

3. Why do banks leave vaultdoors open and then chain the pens to the counter?

4. Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways but put our useless junks in the garage?

5. Why the sun lightens our hair but darken our skin?

6. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

7. Why don't you ever see the headline "psychic wins lottery"?

8. Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

9. Why is it doctors call what they do 'practise'?

10. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

11. Why is the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

12. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

13. Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

14. Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?

15. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?